tehehe, haven't done this in a while.

Honestly, I don't even know why I;m doing this, no one's gonna bother reading. This is honestly like talking to a wall . . . or a little voice in my head, constantly berating my stupid ass for doing stupid things . . .
Oh well . . .

basically, I fell for a girl. while another person fell for me. and I can't hurt the person who fell for me.

I have no idea how the person I fell for (hard btw) really feels about a lot of things. Because it was really wierd, the circumstances that I fell for her, I mean.

I liked her glancingly for a while, but saw that she was head over heels for this guy (who ironically, is a good friend of mine). anyway, she was going through a rough time b/c she didn't want to admit her feelings to him, and through the time spent, I got to know her more (though she vehemently denies it)(it's wierd how people always want to be more complicated, isn't it? why can't people be satisfied with being simply happy?) aaaaaaaaaanyway . . . as I grew to like her again, then develop to care for her, I eventually discovered that I was in love with the person. yays.

aanyway . . . it's hard, u know? (speaking again to imaginary understanding person in my screen, who my mind has now given a Fruedian/Einstienian beard and an understanding smile)

It . . . it would be sooo easy to let go of my love for her and move onto the person who cares for me . . . in theory. Though my heart and mind are clashing on my desires . . . My soul just won't let her go.

It's wierd, no? On one path, I can almost be assured happiness. But that happiness would bring more pain than I could handle. So what do I do? I choose the path of even more pain.

I am one idiotic masochist . . .